🍺 A Guy Walks Into a Bar...
The setup that launched a thousand punchlines. Bartender, another round of jokes!
- A guy walks into a bar. Ouch. NEW!
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?' NEW!
- A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
- A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
- A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
- A neutron walks into a bar and asks, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender says, 'For you, no charge.'
- A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, 'Is the bar tender here?'
- Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it.
- A snake slithers into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, I can't serve you.' 'Why not?' 'Because you can't hold your liquor.'
- A duck walks into a bar and asks, 'Got any grapes?' The bartender says no. The next day, the duck comes back: 'Got any grapes?' 'No! And if you ask again, I'll nail your beak to the bar!' The next day: 'Got any nails?' 'No.' 'Great — got any grapes?'
- A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, 'Okay pal, you can stay — but don't start anything.'
- A ghost floats into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.'
- An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks, 'Do I come here often?'
- A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
- Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
- A panda walks into a bar, eats some shoots and leaves.
- A three-legged dog limps into a saloon and announces, 'I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw.'
- A guy walks into a bar owned by identical twins. The bartender asks how he'll be able to tell them apart. 'Don't worry,' says one twin, 'I'm sure it'll all become clear.' The other adds, 'Yeah, we're not two hard to tell apart.'
- Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Beer?' Descartes says, 'I think not' — and vanishes.
- A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, 'Five beers, please.'
- An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third a quarter. The bartender pours two beers and says, 'You guys need to know your limits.'
- An E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve minors.'
- A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. 'What do you call him?' asks the bartender. 'Tiny,' says the guy. 'Because he's my newt.'
- Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don't serve noble gases here.' Helium doesn't react.
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
- A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, 'This dog talks! Ask him anything.' Bartender: 'What's on top of a house?' Dog: 'Roof!' 'How does sandpaper feel?' 'Rough!' 'Who's the greatest ballplayer of all time?' 'Ruth!' The bartender throws them both out. On the sidewalk, the dog looks up and says, 'Should I have said DiMaggio?'
- Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a-salted.
- A pony walks into a bar and whispers his order. 'Why are you whispering?' asks the bartender. 'Sorry,' says the pony. 'I'm a little horse.'
- Shakespeare walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Get out — you're Bard!'
- A magician was walking down the street. Then he turned into a bar.
- Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don't serve your type here.'
- A limbo champion walks into a bar. He's disqualified.