💼 Work & The Boss
Jokes to read on company time. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?
- Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance? NEW!
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home. NEW!
- I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- The boss said, 'You should have been here at 9:00.' I said, 'Why? What happened?'
- I told my boss three companies were after me. He asked which ones. I said the gas, electric, and cable companies.
- Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.
- A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
- My job is secure. Nobody else wants it.
- The boss put up a suggestion box. The first suggestion: 'Take down the suggestion box.'
- Teamwork is important. It gives you someone else to blame.
- I put a lot of thought into calling in sick this morning. I really phoned it in.
- By the time you learn the rules around here, they change them.
- Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? He took a couple of days off.
- The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to take the stairs — one step at a time.
- My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.
- Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
- A consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, then keeps the watch.
- If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
- Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
- I'm not saying the meeting was pointless, but the highlight was when someone's chair squeaked.
- I'm not lazy. I'm on energy-saving mode.
- The best part of my job is that the chair swivels.
- My boss asked why I only get sick on workdays. Must be my weekend immune system.
- Show me a man who is a good loser, and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss.
- Retirement: twice the husband, half the pay.
- I quit my job at the helium factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone.
- I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- My first job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned — I couldn't concentrate. Then I was a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. I tried being a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. I became a fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income. Finally I got a job at a gym, but it didn't work out.
- The company suggestion box was finally opened after ten years. Inside: one note reading 'Open this more often.'