🦷 Old Age & Getting On
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. NEW!
- I'm at the age where my back goes out more than I do. NEW!
- You know you're old when you bend down to tie your shoes and ask yourself what else you can do while you're down there.
- My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
- The good news: I can still do everything I did at 21. The bad news: it takes all week.
- I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- You're getting old when 'getting lucky' means finding your car in the parking lot.
- At my age, 'happy hour' is a nap.
- I've reached the age where 'one for the road' means a bathroom stop.
- Age is just a number. In my case, a really big one.
- Old age comes at a bad time.
- You know you're old when your birthday cake looks like a prairie fire.
- I'm so old, my birth certificate expired.
- The secret to a long life? Keep breathing.
- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. Then you forget to pull down your zipper.
- I finally got my head together. Now my body is falling apart.
- You know you're old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- Grandpa says he doesn't have gray hair — he has wisdom highlights.
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
- My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he turned 60. He's 97 now and we have no idea where he is.
- You know you're old when you and your teeth don't sleep together.
- At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, and heard it all. I just can't remember it all.
- You know you're old when 'pulling an all-nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
- Why do retirees smile so much? Because they can't hear a word you're saying.
- I'm not saying I'm old, but my birth certificate is on a scroll.
- You know you're old when your favorite exercise is a brisk sit.
- Middle age: when your age starts to show around your middle.
- I've still got it! I just can't remember where I put it.
- Don't worry about avoiding temptation. At my age, it avoids me.
- You know you're getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
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