🩺 Doctor, Doctor!
The doctor will see you now. Unfortunately, so will the punchline.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together, man! NEW!
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a deck of cards! Sit down, I'll deal with you later. NEW!
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog! Hop up on the couch. — I'm not allowed on the couch!
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge! What's come over you? — Two cars, a truck, and a bus.
- Doctor, doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me! Next, please!
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bell! Take these pills, and if they don't work, give me a ring.
- Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed my pocket dictionary! Don't breathe a word to anyone.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a goat! Really? How long have you felt like that? — Ever since I was a kid.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I'm invisible! Who said that?
- Doctor, doctor, I can't stop stealing things! Take these pills for a week. If that doesn't work, get me a color TV.
- Doctor, doctor, I only have 59 seconds to live! Hold on, I'll be with you in a minute.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a snooker ball! Get to the end of the cue.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing spots before my eyes! Have you seen an optician? — No, just spots.
- Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places! Well, stop going to those places.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a moth! You need a psychiatrist, not a doctor. — I know, but your light was on.
- Doctor, doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Can you give me something to keep it in? — Sure, here's a paper bag.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot! Don't get yourself in a stew.
- Doctor, doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I'm shrinking! You'll just have to be a little patient.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a burrito! Stop it — you're just wrapped up in yourself.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a needle! I see your point.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a spoon! Sit still and don't stir.
- Doctor, doctor, I swallowed a bone! Are you choking? — No, I really did!
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like an apple! We must get to the core of this.
- Doctor, doctor, nobody believes a word I say! Tell me the truth now — what's your REAL problem?
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a rubber band! Why don't you stretch out on the couch?
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar! Don't worry, you'll soon change.
- Doctor, doctor, my son swallowed a roll of film! Let's hope nothing develops.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a clock! Relax — you're too wound up.
- Doctor, doctor, I've got wind! Can you give me something? — Sure, here's a kite.
- Doctor, doctor, how do I stop my nose from running? Stick out your foot and trip it.