💍 Marriage & In-Laws
Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
- Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution? NEW!
- My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. NEW!
- I just got back from a pleasure trip. I drove my mother-in-law to the airport.
- My mother-in-law came to visit. I said, 'How long are you staying?' She said, 'Until I get on your nerves.' I said, 'What, you're not even staying for coffee?'
- Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.
- A husband said to his wife, 'You know, honey, I was a fool when I married you.' She replied, 'Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- My wife and I agreed early on that I'd make all the big decisions and she'd make all the small ones. In forty years of marriage, there hasn't been a single big decision.
- Why do husbands die before their wives? Because they want to.
- Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- A man placed an ad: 'Wife wanted.' The next day he received a hundred replies, all saying the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
- Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- My wife ran off with my best friend. Boy, do I miss him.
- They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it's love. After marriage, it's self-defense.
- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent.
- Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.
- My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
- The two most important words in a marriage: 'Yes, dear.'
- I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, 'Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring.' So I got her nothing.
- My wife says I have two faults: I don't listen, and something else.
- Grandpa's marriage advice: never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- 'I take my wife everywhere,' said the comedian, 'but she keeps finding her way back.'
- The honeymoon is over when the dog brings your slippers and your wife barks at you.
- Why are wedding rings worn on the third finger? Because it's the only one with a vein running straight to the wallet.
- A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.